Does God even care about me?

All my life I've been depressed, lonely and accumulating anger inside. I evwn want to kill myself at least once a night. All these people keep telling me to turn to God all the time but what does God care? Honestly I feel like if I turn to God or Jesus I'll just end up becoming a blind worshiper who becomes a religions robot. I feel like God wants me to suffer because he will send me to Hell if I kill myself but living is just hurting me in so many ways. I hate this world and most of the people in it due to their ignorance and destruction of the Earth. However I'm aware that God wants me to act as if everything is good. He sends his creations to the pits of absolute agony and anguish yet will only love those who worship in his name and obey his every rule. Isn't that a bit egoism? I don't wanna keep feeling depressed and wantting to kill myself but I also don't want to become a Jesus loving robot, especially since I have yet to experience any of God's miracles. Am I really suppose to believe everything in a book just out of fear that if I don't I'll burn in Hell? Why would God care about someone like me who quesion his motives. I believe in a higher power just I doubt it'll help my depression and loneliness. I wanna fall in love yet God does not seem to want me to. They say God has a grand plan but I don't think there's one for me. Without going religion crazy please give your feed back... does God really care about me or anyone for that matter?